A.Y.I.N

It's here again. Ramadhan is here.

First - Bersyukur kerana masih berpeluang bertemu dgn ramadhan.
Second - i want to do better this ramadhan around.
Third - More amal less dosa. So sape2 nk brgossip ngan zaireen sila lupekan sepanjang ramadhan. Saya takut xtahan godaan.
Fourth - Menempuhi ramadhan & aidilfitri kali ni 180degrees berbeza dr thn2 lepas.

Ape2pn. Dgn kesempatan ini, saya menyusun sepuluh jari ingin memohon ampun & maaf sekiranya ade mengecilkan hati atau mengguris perasaan sesiapa sahaja. Regardless who u are. Andaikata xleh nk maafkan saya selagi xmendgr dr mulut saya sendiri. Silalah bgtau. Saya ikhlas ingin menempuhi ramadhan kali ini dengan lebih baik. Kepada semua, selamat menyambut ramadhan al-mubarak. Ramadhan Kareem.

p.s: M'sia bile start puase? sabtu ye? kt sini x official lg. Bole jd esok bole jd sabtu. Selain tgk anak bulan, dyrang tunggu Saudi & egypt nyer pemegang mohor2 raja. Ingat x zaman2 dulu kita xfix ari puase&raya??suspense kan??hihi..

HOUSEWIFE?? silapp...that's me!!malas keja arini..take a day off..sehari bersama diri sendiri..hahaha..now it's 7:40 pm..can't wait to go to work tomorrow. I can be housewife for one day ONLY..Tomorrow back to the pile of work!!but i enjoy it. hihi. Esok lebih bersemangat. Take care peeps! Have i told you i love myself??no?? I LOVE MYSELF!!wehuuuu.....

I have friends. Ramai jugaklah. Aku xsuka musuh ngan org. Adelah kot beberapa kerat yg aku xbrape nk berkenan. Prinsip aku senang. Selagi ko xkacau hidup aku, aku ok! Tp jgn kacau idup aku or buat aku marah eh. Aku xmaki2, aku x g menjaja nama die. atau buruk2kan die. Aku cume campak ko jauh2. Yeah. maybe aku akan senyum bile berjumpe. bertepuk tampar. tp one thing for sure. Aku xmau tahu ape2 psl ko & aku xkan bgtau ape2 psl aku!! that's it. soo..shohhh. U are not needed in my life. Eh..apsal memarah ni. aku nk citer something else sbnarnyer, Yg ayat xbest td tuh sbb mase aku menaip tersembulla muke2 yg buat aku sakit ati. tu yg meluncur laju je tuh.

Anyway. I want to talk about kawan2 yg aku sayang. sayang sangat. kadang2 kite xperlukan kawan2 yg amik tau smua psl kite. cukupla buat kite ketawa tanpa bertanya mengapa kita sedih. cukupla dgn sms/email/ym/comment kt fb or blog bertanya khabar. Kawan2 yg ada mase kite susah & senang. Org kate mase susah xde org nk kawan. Xjuge! ade jugak spesis yg menjadi pendengar setia mase susah & sedih, tp bile kite senang mulalah menjauhkan diri. Ini dipanggil sindrom xleh tgk org lain lebih. Ade juge yg suke mase kite senang & shy away bile kite susah. Byk kan kategori kawan? ade kawan bole citer psl family sbb senasib. Ade yg bole citer psl love life sbb ada chemistry. Ade yg best crite ngan opposite sex shj. mcm2! hehh..

Ape2 pn. i appreciate all the friends i meet throughout my life. kengkawan kt tadika kemas Gemas, Skolah Rendah Kebangsaan Tuanku Abdul Rahman Gemas, Sekolah Tun Fatimah Johor Bahru, Fakulti kejuruteraan Awam/Alam Sekitar UTM, Kolej Tun Razak UTM, Satang, SMHB, kawan2 kt doha & di alam maya. Thanks to teknologi yg semakin canggih, now u know everything about your friends just a click away. smpaikan kawan ko sakit perut nk g jamban pn bole tau walaupn 6,000km away. yeaa. terima kasih facebook!!

Nak dijadikan cerita. selepas sessi entry sedih 100 hari tuh. ade kawan2 yg sgt prihatin. Msg kt fb. sms & mcm2 lg. thanks guys. u know who u are. Anyway, thanks for reading my humble entry yaa. Okeh. To Ajai yg sudi membantu. Sape sangka, ktrng terpisah for more than 10 years now, but she came knocking at my fb inbox to see how am i doing & offering help. and last 2 days mase duk chat ngan rafi. die menunjukkan ke'concern'an die kt aku. Appreciate it dear friend. Xsangka dlm brutal2 die tuh, he has a very bigggg heart. to sesiape yg berminat. sorry, he's taken. hahaha.

Mohamad

i managed to survive.....chip up always

9:40pmZaireen yg tuh aku relate...

yg sepi tuh mmglah..

9:41pmMohamad

so, i can see the sky is wide and a lot of air to breath in

9:41pmZaireen

cume citer2 dlm citer tuh xde yg relate ngan aku,..

good that u r doing ok now..

9:41pmMohamad

so, what about you?? are u ok??? i found your blogspot

well, it is from Fairul blog i saw your name popped up

9:42pmZaireen

ooo...

hmm..

ok..

biaselah...

9:42pmMohamad

i am kind of dunno what to say when reading it......

9:42pmZaireen

hahaha..thanks for asking..

9:42pmMohamad

so, you can relate the last part of the movie.......iman.....

nak jugak relate kan!!!! ahhhahahhah

9:43pmZaireen

at least iman ade mamat tuh at d end..

hihihi..

tulah nk jugak relatekan aku..

aku suke lagu die..
aku relate ngan lagu die..

ngee...

9:44pmMohamad

then you have Quenzzzzz tu....angap je ape yang kau nak...pokok ke....kfc ke...ape ape je

well, after all we are all here for each other

well, after all we are all here for each other

9:45pmZaireen

yeahh..i know..

really grateful for that..

really am...

sungguh..klo xde kamu orang..

mesti i lg sepi..

confirm dh amik ticket blk malaysia..

9:45pmMohamad

i am may not be able to be there always but in the time in need i will try my best to accomodate it

9:46pmZaireen

thank u buddy...

9:46pmMohamad

so, jangan simpan sorang......voice out whenever you need to...nanti tertekan

9:46pmZaireen

the thing is..

aku xreti nk ckp..

9:46pmMohamad

quenzzzz tu kita lantik sebagai ibu besar

bagitau dia ....

9:46pmZaireen

sbb aku xnak org rase aku cam meraih simpati..

she is my pillar of strength..

selalu wat i gelakk..

9:47pmMohamad

itu salah.......simpati bukan the point but the sharing

9:47pmZaireen

thanks rafi..

will try..haha..

9:47pmMohamad

everyone will have to face it........everyone. so, it is a matter of time

9:48pmZaireen

tp aku cam tu bile nk tdo je..

9:48pmMohamad

hahahahahahahah...so ibu besar buat ape tu???

9:48pmZaireen

biasenyer bile i dh masuk bilik..

xkanla i nk ganggu ibu besarr.

9:48pmMohamad

so, bila rasa ade benda macam tu pergilah tido dengan quenzzz jap

syaitan kan selalu ganggu kita...baca surat al-ikhlas 3 kali....bismillah 21 kali dan sekali ayat Qursi..

al-fatihah kepada ayah, mak dan orang2 yang you sayang

9:52pmZaireen

thanks rafi..thank you sooo much..

will remember that!!

9:52pmMohamad

you tahu tak...what Fadilah Kamzah said???

9:52pmZaireen

ape?

9:54pmMohamad

dia cakap kalau sayang seseoang tu ..tak kira mak ayah atau awek atau bf atau org yang kita suka...tak payah buat cara bomoh....sedekahkan fatihah...sebab fatihah itu makanan untuk soul......insyaAllah....so, i sebeblum tidur dan mulakan sesuatu selalu kasi al-fatihah kat Nabi, Mak, Ayah dan og yg i sayang

kita cuba amalkan ke...mungkin sebab tu masa org mati org selalu suruh sedekah al-fatihaha. sebab dia makanan soul.

9:57pmZaireen

thanks eh rafi...

aku slalu bace fatihah before tdo..

sedekah kt my dad..

9:57pmMohamad

you re welcome

50 riyals

9:57pmZaireen

tp masetuh lah all d memories came back..

9:57pmMohamad

very good daughter..you dad must be smiling there

9:58pmZaireen

tu yg aku kdang2 smapi termimpi..

9:58pmMohamad

ingat....syaitan tu kat mana2 nak ganggu kita....especially bile emotional attach!

* FRIENDS ARE THE FAMILY YOU CHOOSE FOR YOURSELF. indeed.

11.40 p.m (4.40am Msia)..........

"Niz..."
"ayin, knape?wehh..ko knape?".
"Niz, sorry. Niz aku rindu papa niz. rindu dia sangat2. Arini dh 100 ari dh. I am so sorry. it hurts niz. sangat2!!"

Aku rindu dia. Aku rindu papa sangat2. Aku selalu menangis bile nk tdo tp xpernah smpai stage aku telefon haniz tgh2 mlm. Aku xleh nk lepas ape aku rase sbb tuh aku call die tgh2 mlm buta smlm. Aku kluar sepanjang hari with the girls semata-mata xmau sedih. Aku lupe sekejap. bile nk tdo, aku gatal bukak inbox aku sbb nak clearkan 700 msgs yg ade. came across sms haniz on that fateful day "Pa..nanti haniz grak blk kg. Pa tunggu kt kg." there u go. Another round of sadness. Aku nangis for hours sampai aku trtido. Aku nangis smpai kepala aku sakit. Aku nangis smpai hidung aku trsumbat & xleh breath ikut idung for an hour. Aku slalu mimpi papa. but i know, it's not him. It's my sub-conscious mind. In my dreams, aku akan peluk die & nangis2. EVERY SINGLE TIME!! Haniz ckp aku still xlet go. i just dun know how!!

Smua org rindu papa. Jaja smpai sakit2 rindu papa. Jaja sakit dada. Skolah call mama mase jaja kt hospital. Haniz brkejar amik jaja & bwk blk KL & trus ke IJN. alhamdullillah. false alarm. Doctor advice die kna amik blk aspirin yg die dh spatutnye stop.

Hari ni aku dtg office dgn kepala yg sgt berat & pening. Mata yg bengkak. Hati?? SEPI..Aku ade meeting kul 11. aku still x go through agenda. Aku ade tender evaluation tp aku still x go through in detail all the clarifications. Aku ade submission, tp aku still xprepare the documents. The only thing that keeps me going these days adalah kerja. keep me away from all the messy things in my head.

At home, mama nangis2 bgtau rumah yg direnovate xsiap & not as ape yg papa nak. Contractor buat taik. ape aku bole buat? my only answer "mama tunggu ayin blk eh.." i have 2 weeks vacation which won't be a vacation i dream of. One week for hari raya& one week for all the things yg perlukan decisions. Haniz dh fully occupied dgn mende2 yg dh over her head. too much for her.

Raya? meaningless for me. Try to cheer up. aritu beli handbag for raya, beli material konon nk tempah bj raya. Smlm nk beli kasut raya kt Massimo Dutti. Nasib baik xde size. Trying very hard to get the rhythm. But somehow. none. nada!! Money can't buy u happiness. Overrated? it is true fellas!! so TRUE!! Camne aku nk blk raya when the last time i met papa adalah mase raye thn lps. cmane aku nk blk raya when the last time we had our buffet buka puase kt sime darby and papa happily planned to have this year's buke puase at menara KL? cmana aku nk blk raya bile every time..every time pg raya aku tunggu die siap. sbb aku suke tgk die pakai baju melayu. tiap2 kali pg raya, ktrng akan gilir2 meng'adun' papa, aku suruh pakai butang baju melayu, mama bising suruh pakai samping yg matching. rehan suruh papa sikat rambut. jaja suruh papa pakai stocking & haniz?? die akan tanye papa. papa dh gosok gigi? haniz yg akan berjaya buat papa gelak.

Advice from a dear friend of mine..keep ur mind busy. yeah. how? work? sometimes aku rase aku take advantage of the situation. aku take advantage sbb dpt boss best gile. 1 hour report aku buat in 1 whole day. He is damn nice superior. Appreciate it?? xtau knape aku mcm xpaham je makne appreciation. After 2 months, br aku dpt blk rentak keja aku which sometimes fluctuate jugak!

Master?? malas!! with capital M!! my prof accreditation?? aku pn xtau when was the last time aku update my report. My love life? ape yg aku rancang dah x terancang & dah xmerancang. so, what's left?? i am the greatest actress. Daylight i am such a cheerful soul. disebalik tirai kamar?? erkkk?? aku jd depress cam org beranak meroyan. (lucky i still have those humor that entertain my empty soul..)

ok. there you go. i say it. I say it out loud. I say it all!!!!

Last week was a busy week for me. Tons of work. Kebetulan zila was hospitalized for about a week. i went to teman her every night. Duduk hospital ni, x sakit pn bole jd sakit. Xdepress pn bole jd depress. So, went there to teman her. Second night, KBT members datang melawat. We had dinner at Biella before ke hospital. Pas borak2 catch up stories zila g london. amik2 gambar. majlis bersurai.

Pas Zila discharged, d very next day we went to Holiday Villa Hotel for our buffet breakfast. Kami2 je kt restaurant tuh. so, layanan superblah. smpai agak rimas 3-4x tanye nk coffee or tea. How's d foods. so on so forth. Borak2. amik2 gambar. lepak2 smpai about 10.30 we headed home. Pulang gembira dgn perut yg kenyang sampai dinner. Menu still xbrape menarik sbb ade nasi lemak je. I tot ade lontong. slurpp. or soto. tp ikut kata retaurant manager. menu2 tuh dyrang tgh consider tp sbb xramai lg malaysian yg dtg so slowly dyrang akan introduce. so, warga2 malaysia di doha. ramai2kanla ke restaurant lagenda. Sape lg nk sokong org kita klo x kita2 ni. Buffet breakie 76QR nett. I had one round of nasik lemak. poori with dhal. pastries. fruits & yogurt. smbal udang die not badla. Sudahnye seharian lepak umah. Ohh. btw. i watched Nur Kasih @ Youtube. Sekali hadap dr episode 1 smpai 9. not bad.