Dawn of a N.E.W Beginning..(Part 4 of 4)

" His command, When He intends anything, is only to say to it: Be, so it is. Therefore Glory be to Him in Whose hand is the kingdom of all things, and to Him you shall be brought back -Surah Yassin, ayah 82-83"

It has been a month now..it is still hurt..Papa is no longer with us..I hardly talk about him..But being here alone..really torn me apart..& i try to avoid any burst later. So here we go..Story about me, my family & my beloved papa..First and foremost, saya menyusun sepuluh jari kalo ade ayat2 yg membawa kpd pengertian yg tidak baik. Niat menulis ini ada dua. Sebagai peringatan dikala saya mula melencong dr mengingatinyer..dan yang kedua as my dad used to say to me "yg baik jdkan teladan, yg xbaik jdkan sempadan". i would like to send my warmest reminder to all my friends out there. Reminder to always & always love your parents, appreciate them, hug them, tell them that u love them and the most important thing of all. Make doa' for them. Hopefully, ade manfaat to all ya..

Ya Allah,
Rendahkanlah suaraku bagi mereka,
Perindahlah ucapanku di depan mereka,
Lunakkanlah watakku terhadap mereka dan
Lembutkan hatiku untuk mereka.

Ya Allah,
Berilah mereka balasan yang sebaik-baiknya,
Atas didikan mereka padaku dan
Pahala yang besar atas kesayangan yang mereka limpahkan padaku,
Peliharalah mereka sebagaimana mereka memeliharaku.

Ya Allah,
Apa saja gangguan yang telah mereka rasakan
atau kesusahan yang mereka deritakan kerana aku
atau hilangnya sesuatu hak mereka kerana perbuatanku
jadikanlah itu semua penyebab susutnya
dosa-dosa mereka dan bertambahnya pahala kebaikan
mereka dengan perkenan-Mu ya Allah
hanya Engkaulah yang berhak membalas kejahatan dengan
kebaikan berlipat ganda.

Sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang memiliki Kurnia Maha Agung,
Serta anugerah yang tak berakhir dan
Engkaulah yang Maha Pengasih diantara semua pengasih.

Amin Ya Rabbul Alamin..

(Source: Nice doa' from the internet..)

Our hero is no longer with us..papa is in a better place..walaupn papa pegi & bwk sekali semangat yg kami ade but alhamdullillah..we manage to move on and start a new life. Life will never be as before..but life is still life..i need to make my mom happy..need to make my sisters happy..i thank allah to have haniz beside me. we work as a team. we need to be strong for them. papa won't be there at rehan's and jaja's convocation. papa won't be there when someone break their heart. But we will be there. eventho, it will be so hard to be in his shoe. we will try. Papa xsempat tgk ktorang kawin, all his life..he is the ONLY man in our life..and all his life we are always be HIS LITTLE GIRL..Pa..Ayin xmampu nk jadi the one yg selalu gelak to Haniz cheeky character..i don't have the patient to entertain your spoil rehan..& i don't always have time for ur pampered jaja..But i promise u now and always..i will take care of them with all my love. I will always love you papa..& i missed u sooo much..but ur daughter here is the strongest one..we'll be ok..

Aku blk Doha on 23rd of May. 3 weeks in KL. I miss home. The day aku kna balik doha, aku singgah jumpe jaja kt asrama die. "our precious little princess" called and nk mkn tgh hari dgn kami. sbb die plg bongsu & paling manja ngan papa. So, we need to take care of her. Jaja sebijik mcm papa. Die xckp byk, she likes to keep to herself. She is strong. Mase memula nk hantar die balik dulu, kitorang singgah kampung amik kereta yang papa bwk. Jaja ceritakan blk masa papa smpai kg. kat mane papa duduk, ape papa buat smpaila kt mane papa menghembuskan nafas yg terakhir. Sepanjang die cerita. aku senyap je. Something stuck in my throat. Finally aku ckp "Jaja untung dapat tgk papa and ada ngan papa smpai papa meninggal". She was the one yg comfort aku blk. Well, i guess at this time we need each other to console and be consoled. As for Rehan, she is strong as well, most of the time die ngan mama. Looking after her. But she will be registering for her college end of June. As of now, she is busy preparing utk pg plus kolej die tuh kt alor setar, i hope she will keep herself busy. Haniz. She is he strongest!! Mama..i was soo worried about her..mama adalah sgt dependant kt papa. mama yang sakit. mama yang selalu merajuk & geng gelak2 ngan papa. she is devastated. But is healing fast. Huge relieve for me. Her eating habit and sleeping order agak consistent. She is strong. Inside out.

We will be moving in to our new rented place at Jalan Duta. Mama xsanggup nk duduk Bangsar lg. Which i totally understand & since umah kt Serendah still under renovation and agak jauh untuk Haniz berulang. We decided to rent dulu. At least smpai mama ok. Or smpai aku balik for good and duduk skali ngan mama. We surrender Ciput haniz kt bank and Haniz get the privilege utk gune kereta kesayangan papa. Kereta papa br kuar workshop. Before papa meninggal die buat major repair and service termasuk overhaul enjin. Well, papa mmg xnak kitorang susah sbb xde sorang pn anak die tau psl keta.

Mase aku tgk progress umah kt Serendah, org yg buat umah tuh cerita ape yang arwah papa nak and suruh die buat..& die cakap.."Arwah ade ckp, buat elok2 ya wak. Ni anak-anak saya nak duduk". Haniz grab me..we smiled. Now, aku guna phone yang papa pakai. Bila aku browsed planner dlm phone papa, from June onwards planner 2 empty except on one date..17th Sept-Ayin balek cuti..Aku rase nk jerittt sgt2..tp mama ade mase tuh..aku xleh nangis dpn mama. Sampai hari ni, aku still simpan birthday messages yang papa hantar utk 3thn berturut. I still keep my last email sent to him on 16th of April dlm my outlook office. Normally aku akan erase all emails every thursday. Not that one & i'm glad..

This hugee tiding really2 change the shores. In so many good ways at least. At first, aku xbole terima bila org ckp aku anak yatim or arwah papa. Over time, i can finally accept that. My prayers are always be with my daddy. Thanks to all my friends. Ur emails, smses, phone calls, visits and tribute entries really touched my deepest soul. Eventhough i am far away from my dearest family, their love and supports will always there for me. To all my friends thank you soo much. Tipulah klo aku ckp i have no regrets at all. i have some. My advice to all my dearest reader, appreciate your love ones. Your mom & ur dad. Like people always say peluang hanya datang sekali. Just ONCE. You know what u have to do. Pd yang senasib dengan saya, jgan pernah berhentikan doa untuk mereka yg tiada & jgn lupe peluang untuk menjaga yg masih ada. Wassalam.