Dada rasa mcm nk pecah. Aku xrase kaki aku jejak kt bumi. Aku xrasa nk hidup masa tuh. Papa xsempat tunggu ayin balik. Papa xsempat jumpe ayin. I was crushed..
Earlier that day, lepas solat subuh, aku call papa, happy & goofy as usual.
Ayin: Hi pa..papa wat pe?
Papa: Ade kt umah, jap lg nk g rawang pas2 blk kg.
Ayin: Haaa..dh agak dh..Arini cuti mesti papa jalan2. Papa kan x sihat, restlah pa ya? Papa dh makan ubat?
Papa: Dh td. Kul brape ni? Xtdo ke?
Ayin: Ayin blk lambat tgk movie. Tu yg tunggu subuh sbb subuh abis awal. Takut trbabas. Hihi..
Papa: Pandailerr..nk ckp ngan mama?
Ayin: ok.
At 1pm in d afternoon, Haniz call nangis2. Haniz ckp die tension ngan mama. sbb mama dh tau papa xsihat tp ajak papa blk kg & g rawang. Haniz was asked to work on that day so die xleh temankan papa balik kg. But she decided nk blk kg lepas kja and nk bwk papa balik & pg hospital sbb mama ckp papa sesak nafas. Haniz dh call Mak Ngah and mintak opinion Mak Ngah. Aku suruh Haniz calm down. Hati aku xsdap, I called mama and agak marah kt mama sbb drag papa ke hulu-kehilir. Ayat mama yg menyentap hati aku “X, mama xajak g memana dh. Mama stay kg smpai papa ok. ARINI LAST PAPA G RAWANG.” She didn’t know that it was true.
Ayin: Paa..papa sakit yee Pa?
Papa: Papa ok. Ayin doa byk2. Doa ya.
That was my last conversation with my father. Last time I hear his voice. The very last time.
Masa papa smpai kampung, papa bgtau Cik Man, die rase nk pengsan. Cik Man trus angkat papa and bwk ke hospital. Dlm perjalanan ke hospital, Papa bace ayat Kursi. Papa bace Fatihah. 3x papa ulang ayat “Tunjukkanla kami jalan yg benar” Papa mengucap and papa berdoa YA ALLAH.. AMPUNKANLAH DOSA ISTERIKU DAN ANAK2 KU. Papa batuk 2 kali dan terlentuk kt tangan mama. That moment, papa meninggalkan kami. Meninggalkn kami yang sangat2 sayangkan die. Meninggalkan kami yang xbole terima kehilangan die. Meninggalkan kami yang masih xpuas menyayangi die. Haniz was on her way blk kg bile cik cham call and bgtau papa dh xde. She was less than 1 hour late. We were lost and devastated.
His last wish is for me to pray for him. And I promise u pa, I will do that till the last breath of mine for I love him with every beat of my heart..
Sejam aku menangis, then aku bgn & amik air smayang. Aku solat asar dengan deraian air mata. Masa aku sujud, for the very first time aku rase betul2 berserah, tawakkal & mengakui keesaan Allah pada masa tuh. Aku sangat2 mengakui kebesarannya. Di saat Allah ambil orang yang paling aku sayang. Terlaluuu sayang. Aku baca yassin & zila uruskan mengenai exit permit & flight aku. Aku xboleh nk fikir ape2. aku habiskan yassin & tukar baju & kmas ape yg patut untuk aku bwk blk. On the way to the airport, zila call harris (PR company) die bgtau yg it is impossible to get the exit permit sbb company registration is still under renewal and I need to wait till Sunday to get the exit permit. I don’t buy it. I call HR manager, my function leader and finally my area director. Nothing can be done. I still believe that there is still hope. Waiting in front of the immigration from 5 pm to 8 pm. Nobody can help me not even the immigration personnel, they can’t override the system. The procedure untuk dapat exit permit adalah isi form-done, dapatkan signature sponsor–done, bila pegi immigration,application aku rejected. Aku manangis..meraung..aku call embassy. Even ambassador pn xleh nk buat ape2. Aku redha. Aku balik umah tp hati aku mcm nk pecah. Aku xleh nk buat ape. Ktorang blk and aku smyg and smbung bace yassin. Zila call adam sbb nk wat tahlil d next day so that x terase kosong sangat. Adam bg another hope bila die bgtau ade Malaysian knal local yg kja ngan immigresen. Aku prepare pg airport semula. Still sempat nk amik flight pukul 3pg. Tp Allah knows best. Memang dh tertulis, aku xsempat nk jumpe papa for the last time. Aku pasrah with real definition of pasrah. Aku pasrah pd ketentuan Allah. And ujian ini mmg sgt perit & sakit untuk aku harungi. Around 11 pm, ktorang balik. Aku nangis bile call mak liza. Aku nk balik!!aku xbole ade kt sini..Bile smpai rumah aku call haniz and she repeatedly say sorry sbb xbole nk lengahkan masa kebumi papa.
Jenazah papa dibawak balik ke KL umah Pah kt Jalan Kent. Masa jenazah papa smpai kt umah pah, org terlalu ramai. Baik sedara mara maupn staff2 KTM. Lorong rumah pah penuh dgn org ziarah. Haniz pimpin mama turun dr van jenazah. Pak Njang sambut mama masuk. Bila nampak Haniz, Jaja trus grab Haniz. Rehan, Jaja & Mama was relying on her. She was so strong. Mase tuh aku sgt2 wish I was there. Pah menangis bile tgk jenazah papa. “Anak makk..Nape Nal pegi dulu..” Rumah pah diselubungi dgn perasaan sedih. Tangisan xbrenti. Yassin silih berganti. Rehan & Jaja xbole sembahyang. Mama terlalu lemah. Haniz ade dekat papa smpai subuh. Haniz cium papa byk kali. Haniz baring sebelah papa. Haniz sentiasa dekat dngn papa. Masa2 terakhir dengan papa. Ayin jauh pa. Ayin nak ada dengan Haniz, tp ayin hanya mampu berdoa dan sedekahkan Yassin dr jauh.
Papa..Ayin doakan kubur papa dilapangkan dan papa ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang yang diredhai olehNYA.
"Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a person who is afflicted by anxiety or sorrow says:
"O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You with which You have named Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or You have revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur'aan the life of my heat and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety".
then Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow, and will replace it with joy."
It was said: "O Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam! should we not learn it?" He said: "Yes, whoever hears it should learn it." Narrated by Ahmad, 3704, classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199."
"O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You with which You have named Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or You have revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur'aan the life of my heat and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety".
then Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow, and will replace it with joy."
It was said: "O Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam! should we not learn it?" He said: "Yes, whoever hears it should learn it." Narrated by Ahmad, 3704, classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199."
1 comments:
Zaireen.. semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.. too sad to comment more
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